Radio Advert draft (review)

I believe the radio ad is entertaining and can be remembered because some of the sentences rhyme as well as being slightly funny. There is room for improvement though because although it rhymes and this funny it is way to comical and needs to been taken a bit more serious. The way i set it out the characters could be mistaken as being sarcastic and the features mentioned is not mind-blowing, it also won't interest enough consumers although it could be enough to attract some consumers.

I think the advert has enough humour but to improve i need more seriousness/ professionalism to go with it and since my target audience is pretty large it could be deemed as to immature for some radio listeners.